Well, in the time since we last interfaced (we being myself, the computer, and the hordes of adoring fans I have out there reading this masterwork of literature), I've had to lay another pair of pants to rest -- this time, Levi's. Again it was a sad day, but this time more embarrassing than last. Whereas the last pair ripped clear down the leg and did so at night when I took them off in the privacy of my home, the Levi's in question mysteriously ripped while they were lying on a bench waiting for me to finish my Taekwondo class and change back into them. I discovered said rip, which extended from the top of one of the back pockets straight down to the center of the butt, when I put them on after class and noticed a "draft." Seeing as it's unlikely that the pants actually split on their own, during class, my immediate thought was, how long has the city of Burlington been privy to such "scenic" views? Unfortunately, that is a mystery which will never be solved. Needless to say, it was not as difficult this time to hurl the pants into the dumpster with an emphatic, "And don't come back!"
In other news, my car has developed another idiosyncrasy worth noting. But before we get to that, let's just review the Land Shark's existing personality quirks (note: my license plate is LNDCHRK, which spells out Land Shark -- well, actually, it spells Land Chark, but LNDSHRK was taken so I had to get creative. For those of you who are dying of curiosity, allow me to prevent your untimely demise: it's a reference to my favorite Saturday Night Live skit from 1977.). Now, many of us have forgotten what it's like to drive a car without power steering. What's the big deal? you might say. And you'd go on: I've driven many a car without power steering in my day, and I'm no worse for the wear -- it's not really that much different. I might have even agreed with you at one point. But I think when you have to raise yourself up off the driver's seat in order to put all your weight on the steering wheel so you can make a left turn, that's a problem. I mean, I recently got a gym membership, not so I could get in shape or be healthy, but so I'd one day be able to parallel park. Maybe as a side benefit I'll also be able to roll down my windows. And let's talk about not having air conditioning. Yes, it's inconvenient in the summer, and yes, it definitely kept me from taking a road trip to Georgia in July, but that's not really the main problem. It's the caveman defrost system you have to execute when you don't have AC: a delicate balance of blasting hot air (on the highest temperature) on the front windshield and cracking the driver's side window just a smidge. This process is especially fun when it's raining, which, incidentally, increases the need to defrost. But the latest quirk is especially entertaining: the lever that controls the windshield wipers has apparently loosened its hold over the years, so that now whenever I travel over bumpy stretches of road, the lever naturally falls into place and the windshield wipers automatically start wiping at full speed. I mean, I guess I could look at it as a blessing -- you know how difficult it is to reach the wiper lever when you're trying to steer over bumpy roads and such, so really this is just a kind of "autopilot." Certainly gives new meaning to the descriptor "intermittent."
