Peppermint Patty

In th' spirit o' St. Patty's Day (often miswritten as "St. Paddy's Day" by those not in th' know), I'll be celebratin' me Irish heritage in th' followin' tribute...

LUCKY CHARMS:

If ye come across any o' dese t'day, ye can consider yerself lucky:

Leprechaun: one o' th' most well known (but also th' hardest to find) lucky charms. As ye know, Ireland is a land o' many mystical, supernatural phenomena, an' Leprechauns are just th' most fun o' dat bunch. If ye come across a Leprechaun in yer travels t'day, be sure an' ask 'em fer three wishes -- an' don't ferget t' use yer first wish t' wish fer more wishes!

Shamrock: known as th' National Flower o' Oirland (or Eire, as we natives like t' say), a shamrock brings good luck, lifetime happiness, and many Pots o' Gold (see below) t' all who have 'em. Unfortunately, shamrocks kin only be found in th' fields of Western Eire, where all th' damn Buddhists have settled, so at th' moment they got a monopoly on happiness. Dirty Jezebels.

Rainbows: as ye know, rainbows kin only be seen in Eire herself. True Rainbows (as in those over th' cloudy skies o' Eire) are formed from dat special mix o' chemicals in th' air, plus a wee bit o' Leprechaun magic. If ye get a good photo of a True Rainbow, ye'r said to be ensured o' luck in marriage and livestock. Oh, an' don't ferget th' Pot o' Gold (see below) at th' end!

Pots o' Gold: all ye hafta do t' find a Pot o' Gold is t' find th' end ofa True Rainbow. Once ye find one, ye'r sure t' have, well...lots o' gold! Good luck with dat!

And luckiest charm ofall?....

Th' oft-heard of but rarely seen 21-Leaf Clover.

If ye actually get t' hold one o' these beauties in yer hand, ye'll have a lifetime o' luck in life's most important tings: sex, sanity, an' metabolism.

I'M JUST SAYIN'

Now that ye have all th' luck ye kin stand, here's a few handy traditional Irish phrases an' stuff ye kin use t' brighten th' day of yer favorite Irishmen (and women):

Top o' th' mornin' to ye! (with enthusiasm an' emphasis on th' morn) -- dis is a highly cheerful an' appropriate ting t' say t' any friend ye meet, any time o' day. Ye'll be sure t' draw a smile with dis one!

Pog mo thoin (pronounced "pogue mahone") -- dis is a friendly Irish greetin' dat ye kin use in any situation. Roughly translated it means "pleasure t' meetya!"

Cead mile failte (pronounced "Hey!") -- quite commonly used t' insult yer friend's mum. Roughly translated it means, "a pox on yer sheep!"

***dis post is dedicated to me dear Oirish friend, Pghelinbhnmbh Volshghbhaosbh (pronounced "Helen Walsh")***