Ode to the Girls

In honor of Rue McClanahan (who died yesterday), Bea Arthur and Estelle Getty (who have apparently already died, and I didn't realize it! :'-( ), and Betty White (who is, thankfully, still very much alive), I must write a tribute to my beloved Golden Girls. I have the entire series on DVD, and I have gone to them for comfort many times over through the years. Last night I had some cheesecake in their honor.

So here are my Top 5 Favorite Golden Girls Episodes (and my favorite quotes from each):

1. "The Way We Met"
[Dorothy and Rose are arguing over who gets the better room after Blanche promised it to
both of them; they flip a coin and Rose wins]
Rose: I'll make it up to you, Dorothy. I promise. Listen, if there's ever a night where you
can't sleep, I'll come to your room and sing "Kumbaya."
Dorothy: Oh, Rose, I don't know what to say. . . . Yes I do. Don't ever do that.

2. "My Brother, My Father"
[Sophia's brother/Dorothy's uncle Angelo, who's a priest, is visiting from Italy; Dorothy and
Stan are pretending to still be married; Rose and Blanche, who are acting in a local
production of The Sound of Music, enter dressed as nuns]
Rose: Hi, I'm Sister Rose
Blanche: And I'm Sister Blanche. We're, uh...
[looks at bra and panties in her hands]
Blanche: ...collecting lingerie for. . . needy sexy people.

3. "Valentine's Day"
[The girls reminisce about Valentine's Days past; in one memory, they're going on a cruise
with their boyfriends, and they're shopping to prepare]
Blanche: We are giong away on a romantic cruise to the Bahamas with Jeff and Rich and
Randy. In this day and age it might be a good idea to take along some protection.
Rose: What kind of protection?
Dorothy: Two armed Pinkerton guards! No, Blanche is talking about...
[drawing Rose's attention to items on a nearby shelf]
Rose: A Nestle's Crunch?
Dorothy: One over.
Rose: An enema bag?
Dorothy: To the right.
Rose: Dentu-Grip?
Dorothy: Condoms, Rose! Condoms! Condoms! Condoms!
Drug Store Clerk: Hey, take it easy lady! You just get out of prison?

4. "Isn't It Romantic?"
[Dorothy's friend Jean develops a crush on Rose]
Sophia: Jean thinks she's in love with Rose.
Blanche: Rose? Jean has the hots for Rose? I don't believe it! I do not believe it!
Dorothy: I was pretty surprised myself.
Blanche: Well, I bet! To think Jean would prefer Rose over me, now that's ridiculous!

5. "Sophia's Choice"
[Sophia's upset over the treatment of her friend in a nursing home; meanwhile, Blanche
decides to use her bonus to get breast implants]
Sophia: Why do we let things like this happen? Why can't we take care of our elderly like
they do in Japan? Why are there 17 sets of hooters on the coffee table?!
Blanche: Oh, those are mine, Sophia.
Sophia: Oh, well let me put on my big "surprise face"!


Thank you all for being friends, girls.

Who Makes These Lists?

A few years back, the Modern Library published their list of the Top 100 Best Novels -- a board's list and a reader's list. And so, being the list lover (and book lover) that I am, I immediately set out to find out how many of those I had read, and then subsequently vowed to fill in the gaps on both lists. Then I got to James Joyce's Ulysses (which is #1 on the board's list and #11 on the reader's list), and I decided these kinds of self-imposed challenges are silly.

Then recently I was looking for something good to read, so I thought, hey, why not recommit myself to this quest? So I made a list of all the books I've already read and those I'd need to read to complete both the board's and the reader's lists.

I saw Ulysses again, I vowed to power through it this time. Then I saw Finnegan's Wake, another Joycean masterwork. The inclusion of this book on the list makes me seriously question the lives and minds of the listmakers. For those who aren't familiar with this title, let me quote a paragraph from the first page of the novel (which, by the way is often cited as "comic fiction"):


The fall (bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonner-
ronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthur-
nuk!) of a once wallstrait oldparr is retaled early in bed and later
on life down through all christian minstrelsy. The great fall of the
offwall entailed at such short notice the pftjschute of Finnegan,
erse solid man, that the humptyhillhead of humself prumptly sends
an unquiring one well to the west in quest of his tumptytumtoes:
and their upturnpikepointandplace is at the knock out in the park
where oranges have been laid to rust upon the green since dev-
linsfirst loved livvy.

Really??! I have a very difficult time believing enough people have read this to warrant a place on the Top 100!

I've decided I'm ok with my incomplete list.